Parenting teens is a whole new story! Oh yeah. When they get into that teenage space, even pre-teen, and you start to see these teen mood swings popping up here and there. Sometimes it’s tears, sometimes anger, or just the good old blame game.
Yes, yes. Sometimes teens can be normal and nice and even helpful.
But when they get in those teen mood swings, what on earth do you do?
Ever feel like whatever you do, it’s never enough. Yeah.
So how to we manage this?
1. A Teen is Still a Kid
First of all, you have to remember that you are dealing with a teenager These are not mature adults. They look like adults and they can almost trick you into thinking that they’re adults – you see they might be taller than you, they look mature, they have fully developed language skills and vocabulary, you’d think you’re speaking to an adult.
You have to remember in your own mind that this is actually still a child. They are still growing up, still learning, still managing to understand themselves and the world around them. Remember who you are dealing with at the forefront of your mind.
It’s easier when the kid is little and they have a cute little lisp, lower vocabulary, and they’re cute and small. You remember that he’s just a kid. But when it’s a teen you’ve got to make a conscious effort.
That means that when they have teen mood swings and say things that are inappropriate, you won’t let it bother you. Children do that sometimes. It’s frustrating. It’s bothersome. But accept that they are going through a stage. Learn More:The Truth About How Attachment Parenting Affects Kids in their Teens
This will pass. (I promise)
Think to yourself, “it’s not me.”
“It’s not something that I have done as a parent.”
There is just a thing called puberty and it causes teen mood swing. That’s all.
2. Life Can Be Tough
Teenagers do go through difficult life situations. Like problems at school, keeping up with the trends, being fashionable and social pressures, school work, earning some spending money.
Life can sometimes feel difficult. And remember these kids are still trying to figure out who they are as people and manage their own feelings.
BUT!!! And listen carefully! When your teens flip out, you don’t flip out too!
If you flip out when your teen flips out, you are going down to their level. You want to be the adult in the situation. (Remember you are the adult, the teen is the child 😊)
What can you do for when you see some teen mood swings coming on?
Whenever any of us are going through something difficult, the first thing we want is for someone to empathize. The first thing we don’t want is for someone to come along and tell us what we did wrong, how to fix it or what to do better.
Like when you are having a bad day and your husband comes in and tells you what you need to do to fix it all.
That’s what your teens want.
Even the teen boys, and especially the girls. Empathize. Just be there and listen. Show them that you are listening.
4. It’s Not You. It’s Often Unrelated.
Sometimes your are witnessing teen mood swings in the form of flipping out about something in particular, but the truth is that’s not really what’s bothering them.
Let’s say your teen is flipping out because they don’t like the snacks or the dinner tonight. This teen is going on and on about all your terrible dinners.
But. That is actually not what they are upset about. They are upset about something else thing that happened with their friends a few hours ago. Or they’re upset about the fact that their best friend moved away or about something that happened at school or about anything that might be totally unrelated to home.
Meanwhile you get to be the dumping ground. You get to hear about it. You and the rest of the house.
I hear ya. Not pleasant.
However, you have to recognize that sometimes kids are going through things and it’s not really about you.
Let it blow over. Eventually, they usually come to their senses and even apologize.
Try to be nonchalant about the whole thing. Recognize that your teens are going through other things in their life and sometimes they just flip out.
It’s not always you. It’s usually not you (assuming you have a great relationship with them) that they are directing their anger against.
Don’t get uptight. Don’t get angry. When you do mention something just say it in a very nonchalant way.
“Oh hey, mind to pick up your things? Thanks so much!”
6. Wait Until the Right Moment
I’m certainly not saying that you should always walk around on eggshells and never tell your teens off or reprove them.
However don’t fly off the handle.
Wait until the exact right moment and then pick your words well. Think long and hard what’s most important to bring up.
Wait until things have cooled off for a few hours until bringing something up.
Be clear about what you want changed. Don’t come in with any agitation in your voice. Just cool as a pickle.
“I didn’t like the tone of voice you used when you spoke to me in the kitchen before.”
“Please use more respectful language next time.”
7. Always Be Building Your Relationship
Make sure that you are spending plenty of positive time with your teens. When you have the positive time that you are building your relationship on, then your relationship will be able to withstand when it gets rocky.
Have that time. Go out together or have coffee. Go rollerblading or sightseeing for the day.
Whatever it is that you like to do together, make sure you spend that quality time with them. So, when your relationship is on the rocks because of mismanaged mood swings, you can recover easily because you have a lot of positives in your relationship.
You have that great connection which you can always come back to and rely on.
Good luck with your teen mood swings. They really do get better over time. For me 13-14 were the worst years for the girls. Can’t decide which one for boys.
They grow out of it eventually and you can all look back and have a good laugh!